Earned this

(told from the perspective of an "in the closet" trans woman)

I Love spa pedi's, they feel incredible!! My first one, back in 2011 in Cincy didn't go so well...

The Asian girl thought she was done with my nails, this guy in guy clothes who'd just finished a marathon and was treating himself, with his Dockers pulled way up. And then, instead of leaving I said, "I'd like some color. Can I get them painted?"

She just stared at me in disbelief. "Color? You want color??" I nervously nodded yes. And she stared some more, then froze for a minute, then asked her manager what to do, in her native tongue. The tech's mind was blown, I guess. Men don't ask for color.

"You want clear, or pink", the manager said to me. By now others were staring at me, too. Men only get clear or with a slight pink.

Embarrassed and thinking of giving up, I said, " um, some shade of red maybe? "

The nail tech kept staring; the manager relented and got me three reds, showed them to me quickly. I picked one.

After they dried, I left and exhaled deeply and just sat in the car. Relieved.

I was proud of myself for going through with it. But then I had to hide them, for months, until the red chipped off. It was depressing, but major changes are made through small victories. I felt stupid for how much courage it took to do something so small. Something pretty much everyone I knew would be shocked at, would ridicule me for doing it.

Now things are a little different. I'm living full time as the woman that I am.

I feel like I've earned this!

Jody Davis